Envy

I waste too much of my life wanting the lives other people have. I want the flush and anticipation of that new relationship, the fun of doing a job you want to be doing, the joy of holding a little one I can call my own. The envy eats me up inside ..gnawing aching festering like tooth decay. The misery of others makes me happier..makes me feel like my life is better, while their successes send me spiraling into a deep depression washed in green bile.

This confirms I am NOT a nice person.

Lost

Floating in a sea of lonely,
Drifting on her empty tides,
Looking for a soul to guide me,
Watching as the past flies by.
Where did all my friendships wander?
What has happened to my dreams?
When did I get old and bitter?
Why is life not what it seems?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Holy fuck, give my brain 2 mins to come up with some shit and this is what pours out. Better not let her loose unstupervised again.

I hate feeling like this. Almost all the important people in my life, the tripod that held me up, have wandered off. And I don't think anyone misses me. As a matter of fact, I'm not sure that if I died tomorrow, I'd leave much of a legacy anyway.

I wonder how many other people feel that way, too.