An odd juxtaposition.

I can't stand to be alone. I feel like something bad is going to happen if I am alone. I don't know if this stems from traumatic childhood events, abandonment issues, or just random psychosis, but there it is. That is why I adore having so many roommates. I am almost always never alone.

I need to be alone. All the people all the time around me makes me feel not like myself. There is always that awareness that someone is always around and I might do something weird. I can only be my true self when I am alone. I hoard it to myself and revel in the solitude.

When someone is home, I am both comforted and resentful.

So odd.

A letter to the Editor

Dear Me,

Grow the fuck up. I'm tired of your laziness. I'm tired of your angry jealousies and petty thoughts. I'm tired of your fat reflection. If I have to listen to one more excuse of why you can't do what you want with your life...or why you can't even begin to live your life...I'm going to throw up. All over you. Your deceptions are tired and your lies unbelievable. Your shallowness underlines your obsessive fixation with the material. What the fuck is wrong with you that no one else can be happy and going ahead with their lives and do creative wonderful things...that every time you see such things or learn of them, it sends you into a whiny spiral of self recriminations. If you don't step your lame ass up to the plate of life soon, you're going to strike out...and remain the same thing you are right now for the rest of your pathetic existence: a complete loser.

Sincerely,
Me

A Nest in which to Rest

I like this place. This little dark corner of my soul where I can vent and spew and leak all my horrible emotions out and no one knows. It's dark here in this little space on the web and I like it like that. It's cozy here and warm and I can sleep if I want to. I can cry if I need to. I can scream and nobody hears me.

Now I just need to figure out how to post pictures. Lol.